I guess I can be considered the worlds worst/best procrastinator. I haven’t told my parents that I help run this blog and it’s really starting to bug me. My dad always tells me to shelter yourself from the public because your personal life is meant to be “personal” (not meaning he doesn’t want me to tell others of my sexuality if I so please, however, not to be so open and willing to complete strangers about everything).
I wonder what may be the best way to tell them about this blog? I was considering after graduation over dinner – mainly because they will be raw in their judgements of something like this. Unless I am over-thinking this, does this sound like a decent plan?
– Robert
Brad,Robert,Ben
Three kids. Three time zones. One mission... 
You could wait until you’re off at college…if you think this will really go over poorly with them. But you can also just be honest, and say “I’d like to show you a project I’ve been working on for a while”. You certainly have solid reasons for doing this, and those are evident in the exposure it’s gotten and the reactions as expressed in the comments. The posts speak for themselves.
You are correct in that timing is everything. Get past graduation, perhaps the moment will just pop up. Think about how you came out to them, would the same type of scenario work for this?
I would hope that if they take the time to read the blog, they’ll see the value in what you’ve accomplished here.
Peace ❤
Jay
Jay – They found “websites” on my computer’s history – I highly double I want to go through the awkwardness of that again. lol
Ah, yes, I remember that. But at the same time, this isn’t exactly one of “those” sites if I read you correctly. I also understand completely. Do it face to face, I know you aren’t ashamed of this!
Jay
Depends on your parents and what they consider personal information. You are old enough to decide what to share and what not to share with others. Obviously never share your address, phone number etc. Are your parents comfortable with your sexuality? If so I don’t see a problem with you telling them about this blog. On the otherhand if they think this is just a phase you are going through I think I would keep the blog to myself. When they have accepted you for who you are then you can share this part of your life with them. Good Luck.
They are pretty open-minded folks – they have their narrow moments but in comparison to most parents from the Bible belt of the south, they accept and love me for who I am.
When my daughter first came out to me, I had the same outlook as your parents. It was not because she is gay, it came out of fear of someone harming or bullying the person I love. When it started effecting our relationship, I discovered PFLAG and gained perspective. Another thing I am grateful for is this blog which I have followed for over a year. Reading about each of your journeys has been inspirational for me and my now 14 year old daughter. I think if you share this blog with your parents, they will be proud of the work you have done and the people you have helped. Why not just send them the link to the blog and let them read it? You originally were trying to get on Ellen, what would you have done if it immediately happened? You can do this. I believe in you.
First of all, thank you for your confidence in me – I tell you that I plan to go through with this whatever the outcome – I also agree with you that my parents will feel more proud than worried now that they know how I’ve handled myself over the past year without their direct knowledge (I haven’t been kid-napped nor been stalked, jokes aside!).
If I were given the chance to be on Ellen I swear this would be a lot easier for me to do right away though!
Hi Robert,
Well, I think you are your own best expert on this situation. You said your parents would be “raw in their judgments,” so I think it is best left to you to decide how & when to go about telling them.
What I appreciate is that you’ve identified that it’s bugging you, and you are ready to tell them, regardless of whether it is something they want to hear. For your own peace of mind, I would recommend coming up with a plan, and the one you listed above is great (!), and then going with it, even if you are scared or worried.
From my experience, I am always happier when I go with something by my own choice, and at my own pace, and finish it– rather than being caught unaware with something that I just “sat on” until it was out of my hands.
Also, I think in-person is better, it’s more respectful of them, braver of you, and all-around more human. Good luck!
I’ve always been a ‘face-to-face’ kind of person – and even with accepting parents, the whole sexuality issue has always been the hardest thing for me to bring up with them. I plan to go through with this whatever the outcome – I know my Parents will be happy that I’m being an independent person and handling myself in the manner they’d approve of as well.
Hey Robert,
I really applaud your continued acceptance of self AND family. I’m glad you see they aren’t mutually exclusive, and though I know that conversing with parents can be something to fear, the acceptance they have for you is still there and will be there later on!
I’m happy that you’ll be able to celebrate your personal growth with your parents in the future by the way you live your life– in a way that includes them on your journey of self-discovery! By facing your fears on this issue, you are saying to them that you love them and are committed to your relationship with them.
Great job!
I actually think you may be over thinking it. Would it be harder than coming out to him? AND you HELP run the blog… If he knows you are gay, this part can’t be that hard. You are looking for and getting support from like minded people. Just tell him like you would tell him about a project at school… 🙂
Is it possible that your parents are more concerned with how well you obey them than with who you are as a person? That’s a different dynamic than honesty about who you are. I do think your parents would benefit from reading this blog (or one like it — hint, hint) to see how protected a blogger can be and, also, how much good they do for those who read them. It might help them to see how much helpful advice you get as well as how little nagging to reveal vital, personal data.
My father raised us to be very private young adults. While I am the only one (that I am aware of) in my immediate family that is gay, writes for a blog, and was outted at school, I believe I am still a private person.
I do agree that they should see that helping people who, like myself, felt alone at one point and he can fully understand where I’m coming from. I’ve never really expressed the whole ‘story’ of how they came to find out about my confusion of my sexuality. I also feel that my Parents will notice that I was not giving out my information other than an already, well-known fact about me. This blog allows me to be myself to the nth degree and that in itself should make them proud!
Anyways, thank you Chuck – I understand your outlook on this situation and I have thought about this quite a bit.
If you don’t think your parents will change the way they plan on helping you pay for college, then I’d suggest that it’s best to do it like a band-aid, quickly and as soon as your body is ready. BUT, if they’re the type of parents who will make it more difficult to complete your education, then, as much as I know how important it is to be honest and open, especially with your family members, I’d suggest you wait.
From all that I’ve read here, it doesn’t seem like they’re the type to disown you for writing a blog, that as others have mentioned, has helped so many other kids just like you. If it were me, as I shy away from confrontation (I came out to my parents and then went abroad for a semester so we could have an ocean between us as they sorted out their thoughts and feelings on the subject) I’d leave them the link and say “Read this!”
I think you should trust your gut and do what you think is best. It’s worked for you so far…
In no way would they not pay for my college because I write for this blog! That would be outrageous and they not so ignorant as to do something so egregious. I’m going to go through with my said plan regardless of what the outcome may be. Live and let live, right?
Lots of good advice from above. You have thought this out very well and made a plan. Trust yourself and your instincts which have been pretty right on from everything I’ve seen. You might also write to GLAAD and a Gay/Lesbian Youth organization near you for some extra advice. They might have the final confidence piece to the puzzle you seek. Be positive in your presentation to them and they will be positive in return with some (hopefully) parental advice.
Bill,
Appreciate the advice! I didn’t think about GLAAD – I’ll have to talk to them soon.
– Robert
Tell them you’ve got something to show them, something you’re very proud of, something with quite a bit of history already. Once they’ve seen it, explain to them it will continue with or without your help, so you’d really like to continue to contribute. And let them know you’re still the same kid as before!
I wish I can give you some advice. However, I’m the one who should actually in need of advice. I’m a freshman in college, and I haven’t told anyone about my sexuality issue. When it comes to my family It’s just so hard when you were raised in very conservative, Christian culture. Quite frankly, I’m actually quite unsure about my sexuality. It’s just my own little struggle. It wouldn’t be late if I tell people when I’m really sure about my sexuality right? (whenever the time maybe?)
Btw, you were outted at school? I didn’t know that..How did people find out?
What were your teammates reactions?
Andy,
As I was going through adolescence (about ages 11 through 20) I was pretty much reactive to people around me. I was fortunate(?) that I never questioned my masculinity and it was never a question in high school. After high school, I briefly dated a girl (yes, we had sex) but committed myself to a ltr with a man (25 yr. my senior) because I knew he needed me more. The rest followed naturally.
My point, I guess, is that you should try things out: date a woman, date a man, find out what “feels right” to you. Be aware that creating a relationship is always a little scary and intimidating. The saving grace is that it’s (usually) equally so on both sides; each individual wants to be liked on his/her own merits and is afraid of looking bad, screwing up, etc. There are some challenges you’ll face: would you be frightened, or ashamed, of going into a gay-bar with a date, male or female? (There are lots of “neutral” places for fun.) Here’s a mental trick you might find useful: redefine “scary” as “exciting.” (The former looks at the penalty side of outcomes; the latter at the reward side.) Sometimes we’ve just gotta throw things to the wind and let the chips fall where they may.
In the broader picture, your uncertainty is a deep statement about the facts of life: unlike our traditional expectation, sexuality is not a given; humans are not inherently pre-determined to be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or any other category. To a large extent these categories are constructed by humans and we individuals often find ourselves more-or-less fitting into any one of them with some excess or deficiency marking our uniqueness. I used to have a refrigerator magnet that expresses a reality: Life is not about finding yourself; it’s about creating yourself.
Good luck.
Wow, Chuck. I didn’t expect this deep comment. It was really powerful. I’m a freshman, but really, I’ve actually never dated anyone in my life. I am attracted to some girls and guys too. I guess my first step, like you said, is to try, and be in a relationship. See how I feel and just discover my true self in that experience. I just realized that there is no way I would be certain about my sexuality unless I actually go out and be in a relationship. I had an ‘aha-moment’ because of your comment. Thanks Chuck!
Andy,
I was indeed outted a little bit last year – the reactions were mixed, however, most are over-looked because we are team and therefore are like a family and while we can joke, nothing is out of line.
I would actually like to talk to you more in depth about your situation if you ever get a chance. You can add me on facebook or email bradrobertben@gmail.com and we can get in touch.
– Robert
How were you outed at school? Tell your parents this if they don’t approve. Tell them you were tired of seeing all those kids bullied at school and killing themselves over it because no one aside from their parents wanted to listen, if their parents listened and or knew. You were in a dark place once, and having come out of that place you wish not to go back nor see anyone suffer the same pain as you did. You’ve done nothing wrong here. All I see is 3 young men a few years younger than I who put their ass on the line, so to speak, to help people who needed the help. Someone whom they could talk to. Relate to. Ask advice from. What you’ve done is good. That’s all that matters, Rob. But hey, what do I know, I’m not a parent. I’m just 22. I do know what it’s like to be a teenager and I know how highschool and college is. To be frank, I still act like I’m 16, so there’s value in my words. I’ll stop here since I’m on the verge of herp derping.
Jase,
This is where they are going to find out EVERYTHING about me though. I love and trust them with all this information but I haven’t ever expressed how I truly felt before they found out (the ‘dark’ place). I have high hopes whatever the situation.
Thanks,
Robert
I know this will be tough, but you are strong, and your parents have been amazingly accepting…the blog is just “the next step”!!!
Peace ❤
Jay
Yeah bro. I recall your post last year explaining that day where you were driving. That was me 4 years ago. Who you are now, that’s what matters most. That was you then, it’s not what matters most now. You’re a different person, a better person (not to say you weren’t good then), and of course, you’re in a better place physically, mentally and spiritually.
FWIW, I am interested in how you were outed. Let me guess, a girl? Guh, they’re always cold-hearted when it comes to that. It usually means they wanted you bad, lol. GL with your tournament.
Jase – I was outted by my ex-boyfriend
Aaron? He seemed like a decent person. What a little cunt. Though it sorta seems his words had little affect on your life; you’ve only brought up 2 homophobic incidents since you started this blog.
I’m in the same situation! I’m honestly just going to blurt it out sometime.
I’m sure, though, that it will all go well 🙂