Hey, I know the solution to historically high divorce rates and out-of-wedlock births! It’s simple! Ban gay marriage and outlaw abortion. That way every man will marry a woman so everybody is married (because there is one woman for every man- that’s how population works.) Then each couple will have a child and that child will be amazing because his or her parents will be totally normal and happy because the government set up their marriage. Oh, if life were so simple we wouldn’t have to worry about the sanctity of a holy tradition that is clearly divinely defined and has never been and never will be changed.
Change always means evil, just look at abolition and civil rights and women’s rights. Each progression has plunged our country farther into the toilet. I mean, who really wants women to vote? Every change is evil except those that return us to our perfect traditional government- the one that doesn’t recognize anyone but white men as people and the one that runs a mail-order heroin operation. It’s obvious, isn’t it? To move forward we have to just go backward. That is why we are better than kangaroos. We can walk backwards and they can’t. Boom, society is fixed. Everyone is free. Lastly, go ahead and outlaw Islam because everyone should be free except for anyone who is non-christian because fuck them this is America. Once my policies are in place (all I have to do is become President, then everyone must obey my will) global warming will disappear, nobody will be hungry, and dictators will step down. Simple as that. Sound logic, right? Warning: If you took this seriously your head may explode. This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA because I abolished it.