Must I come up with all of the solutions?

Hey, I know the solution to historically high divorce rates and out-of-wedlock births! It’s simple! Ban gay marriage and outlaw abortion. That way every man will marry a woman so everybody is married (because there is one woman for every man- that’s how population works.) Then each couple will have a child and that child will be amazing because his or her parents will be totally normal and happy because the government set up their marriage. Oh, if life were so simple we wouldn’t have to worry about the sanctity of a holy tradition that is clearly divinely defined and has never been and never will be changed.

Change always means evil, just look at abolition and civil rights and women’s rights. Each progression has plunged our country farther into the toilet. I mean, who really wants women to vote? Every change is evil except those that return us to our perfect traditional government- the one that doesn’t recognize anyone but white men as people and the one that runs a mail-order heroin operation. It’s obvious, isn’t it? To move forward we have to just go backward. That is why we are better than kangaroos. We can walk backwards and they can’t. Boom, society is fixed. Everyone is free. Lastly, go ahead and outlaw Islam because everyone should be free except for anyone who is non-christian because fuck them this is America. Once my policies are in place (all I have to do is become President, then everyone must obey my will) global warming will disappear, nobody will be hungry, and dictators will step down. Simple as that. Sound logic, right? Warning: If you took this seriously your head may explode. This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA because I abolished it.


About Brad,Robert,Ben

We are three kids from three different time zones, with one common goal. This is our voice:
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3 Responses to Must I come up with all of the solutions?

  1. Jay M. says:

    HAHAHAHAHA! Love the post, Ben! If I may, I’ll add a couple of links to ponder – make sure on the Closet Professor post, you read the comments, too.
    The second post is written by a very real person…think about it if you are against “gay marriage”. Why can’t it just be “marriage”? The etymology of the word would seem to imply that marriage has been around a lot longer than “modern” (read: King James Bible) texts would have us believe.
    Peace ❤

  2. Zingerific says:

    It’s high time someone stood up to the lame-stream media and spoke the truth! In order to defend the Constitution, I say we change the Constitution so you can be President! Just a few notes:

    1) When you’re President, global warming won’t disappear, because global warming doesn’t exist in the first place! You have to remember it’s a plot by pinko-commie-fascist-islamists, with their media accomplises, to foist more gov’ment regulation on us!

    2) Enthusiasm is more inportant than facts, so when you’re posting on the internets, every sentence should end in an exclamation point!

    3) When our prejudices and reality are at odds, then reality be damned!

  3. Steve says:

    In a few short paragraphs you have destroyed the neoconservative movement! Not that they will ever get it, but nice try… and I love it!

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