Here Comes the Sun

Just like so many other kids out there, I’m all by myself right now. I’m sitting in my room, like I have for the past two months. Now summer break is over, school is about to start, and I didn’t have some life changing experience. When school gets tough, I always tell myself summer will come and everything will get better. Then summer gets here and I tell myself that at least the school year will start soon. Then things will pick up. My expectations aren’t met very often.

Just like so many other kids out there, I’m depressed. It’s funny, I’m not a big blogger. The thought of sharing my entire life publicly makes me cringe. But I’m in the pits and I’m convinced to make something of it. I’m a white, gay, suburban, teenage, high school kid. And I’m depressed. And I know I’m not alone. I sit in my room sometimes and wonder why I don’t have those best friends who’ll pull me up. I wonder why I’m not doing what I want to do. I do that all the time. I’m on meds and they’re not even the right ones; they don’t really work. But I know, and I want to tell everybody, that sometimes you just gotta wait.

You can’t always just to wait for school to end, or for the weekend to come, or for the year to end. Sometimes you’ve just gotta wait without knowing when it’s gonna end. You just gotta hunker down, bite your lip, and be depressed, or sad, or angry. Just sit there and face it and know that people all over the world are laying awake at nights just like you. Wait. I know, even if I can’t picture it right now, that there was a time when I was happy and there will come a time when I will be happy again. I just think about how low I can get so quickly and know that I can get up just as fast. I just gotta wait… and so do you.

This is my outstretched arm for anyone who may need it. Everybody says it gets better and for those people it obviously has. However, I never see those people when it’s bad. So here I am. I’m in a bad place, but I know it’s gonna get better.

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About Brad,Robert,Ben

We are three kids from three different time zones, with one common goal. This is our voice:
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9 Responses to Here Comes the Sun

  1. Ángel says:

    Hope you get out of that bad place. Life’s all about the present, don’t wait for it to get better, make it better. Anyways, I hope you feel better soon.

  2. tristram says:

    Hey Ben – I hear you. I’ve been there. I’m still not sure how I got through or whether I’m past all that for good. But if you hang on, it does get better. Circumstances will change. And, as Angel points out, you can accelerate the process. Go for it. Do what you do well. Do what you love to do. Get up, get out, do it, and the other stuff will work out.

  3. NotoriousDSG says:

    Know that everyone has high and low points. And do whatever you need to do to get yourself through each moment. I called automated phone messages just to hear another person’s voice. Those friends you’re looking for are out there. But high school is a terrible time and place to find them. It gets better because you get more control of your life. Personally, I can’t wait to see what kind of adult you become!

  4. Christopher Drummond says:

    Ben-
    Obviously we were both awake when you wrote this. And we didn’t talk about it. I don’t know why, but we didn’t. I just wanna say “Thank you” for helping me and being such a good long distance friend(that I will one day spend time with in Montreal!). You know that all you have to do is say the word and I’ll be on the phone(or Google-) with you. Just remember, all it takes is one message and BAM! you have three awesome friends on Hangout with you. We have all had those times where we just need someone; You are pretty lucky to have three! I just wanted to throw all of that out there.
    Love you bro,
    Christopher

  5. Jay M. says:

    OK, Ben, here’s my arm to help pull you up! I know exactly what you mean about not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and I’ve been there for way too long. Angel is right, most of the time, a positive mindset will help – and yes, I know finding that mindset is the tough part. You know where to find me if you want to talk.

    Peace ❤
    Jay

  6. Chris says:

    Hey Ben, I just started reading this and like you I’m a highschooler in the Northeast (I’ll be a senoir next year). I just wanted to say I know exactly how this feels. Life definitely has its ups and downs, and there are many times when I’ve been alone in my room with similar feelings. There have been a few periods throughout the last few years when its been really bad. Sports can be the worst because people make insensitive, piercing gay jokes all the time. Everyone laughs and it hurts but I can never say anything, and there are times during the season, and a lot in the summer when I just run alone beceause I can’t stand it. I’ve built so many friendships that I value in high school but sometimes I get really upset because I’m fearful of what people would truly think of me. At the same time though, there’s been lots of really awesome times. I’ve accomplished a lot and I’m mostly really happy with my life. I think things definitely get better. I want to say I think you’re extremely courageous for making a blog like this and writing about your experiences. You are not alone! Like everyone said a positive mindset def helps (at least in my experience). Feel better 🙂

    Chris

  7. Swag says:

    Ben. You are a SEXY man who is very brilliant. You are so helpful, kind, athletic, motivating, and batshit smart. You will be happy someday because you make others happy! You will win this battle!

  8. Hi Ben,
    I hope you’re well this morning. I want you to know that what you said really resonated with me, and so I’m typing to you this morning, my FIRST reply on your blog…
    Specifically, your words: “I’m a white, gay, suburban, teenage, high school kid. And I’m depressed.” This was me. From the time I was about 15 (high school started, but I’d been reeling since I’d turned 13) until I went to college at 18, I fit this bill. I mean, there were times things were “good enough,” things were tolerable, but overall– not really enjoyable, fulfilling, light or joyful.

    I want to tell you something. Akin to the “It Gets Better…” videos, it WILL and HAS already gotten better. Now, this may be difficult to hear or believe when thinking about all you’ve experienced, and maybe all the pain or difficulty you feel. But I promise, I mean, with logical thinking, a depth of feeling and a great smile, you’ll make it! That’s really all it takes in this world– believing that tomorrow COULD be better… Then, you start having GOOD days, once you’re out of K-12, you start living on YOUR terms, and the days you already are having are GREAT. 🙂 That’s the best part, because if you can have GREAT Days and STILL believe the next will be better, you’re good. 🙂 I mean, at that point you can face it all.

    Believe in yourself. Trust you. Think that YOU are worthwhile. It doesn’t matter what the TV wants to tell you about, anything, really. It matters what you feel/think in your heart & mind and how that feels for you. What do YOU want to think about? What do YOU want to feel? Go out and do it, and little-by-little, I promise, it WILL get better.

    Cheers! To you. +Christopher Jason

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