Traveling down a pathway of overwhelming stress and times where I felt like nothing could change the feeling of worthlessness, I have made it to a point in my life where I look back on what I went through and honestly can say that I wouldn’t have done ANYTHING different.
From the people I’ve met to the lives that might have just been slightly changed for the better by letting them look up to someone who’s went through the similar hardships that gay teenagers alike put up with each and every day. I wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything in the world.
6 months to this point in my life, everything has been changed for the better. Sure there were times where I wanted to break down and let the emotions out, and there were times where I felt like I was on top of the world, but one thing is sure when I say that I am the luckiest, happiest man alive in the state of Tennessee today.
A recap of my life 6 months ago: Driving home in a rage, 120 MPH down a 2-lane street, thinking about letting go of the steering wheel . . . Envisioning a life that would have ended that day would have been the biggest disappointment of any one person’s life. I chose to take those hardships and turn them into the fuel that lifted me higher than the words and actions of others. That turning point in my life gave me the ‘high’ of self-confidence and self-worthiness. I knew that no one could bring me down with their words and actions and proved it to them with a smile.
It’s also an interesting story on how Aaron and I met (ha) and knowing that I anonymously talked to Aaron for about a week up until he finally messaged me on facebook about seeing me at the gym one day. Just ask Brad and Ben how much I speculated on if he were gay or not and how I’d ask him and whatnot. I’m so glad to have taken the risk of meeting the person whom I love and adore with everything I have to give him.
And where would I be without him? Pretty lonely and lost in just about every sense. I also, last night, accomplished another goal of mine; telling my sister I was gay. She sat on the phone with me for about 2 hours saying she didn’t believe me and even texted my dad about it until she finally believed me.
So to anybody thinking that there is no chance for you, just step back, think about your life and how you’re living it, and ask yourself if you’re satisfied. If you can look at yourself in the mirror and say “I’m not perfect, but I am the person I want to be,” then you have your head-lights set straight…or not so straight ;). But if you’re like I was, and looked in the mirror and was disgusted, even frightened of the person you made out to be, then change it. We all are meant to be the best possible version of ourselves, and that’s true perfection.
PS – Stay strong out there, if you ever need anyone to talk to you can contact me on facebook @ facebook.com/RMS17 (Don’t be afraid, I don’t bite).