The countdown is almost over, and I have no clue how i feel about it. This monday I am pretty sure I will be telling my group that I am gay while the program “Challenge Day” is at my school. Hopefully by telling people there i will be able to develop a group of people from all different cliques who do not care about my sexuality. All they care is that I am happy. All of my friends do not care but none of them are the major jocks of my school, those are the people who i am worried about. I worry everyday that by coming out I will ostricize myself from the rest of the guy’s track team. Hopefully they will see past it though like how every one else has. I wish i could sit here and type about how my life is perfect and how i know every person in my school will be behind me on my decision but that will never happen.
I wish i lived in a Utopia where every one accepts every single person no matter what but that day will never come, and I have accepted that. Portland is pretty close to a gay utopian though so at least i am lucky for that aspect of my life. I now spend almost all of my weekends in Portland hanging out with some of my good friends who go to one of the private school’s in the city. Living in a city has always been one of my dreams and walking the streets downtown i see LGBT everywhere. It makes me feel comfertible which is why I will most likely go to a college in an urban setting, it feels like home to me.
The video is all done and ready to be viewed on Wednesday. In the video I hold up a sign saying that I am gay. I do not know what to think about this. I feel anctious for it to happen but on the other hand I am afraid of the drastic changes that may take place, soom good and some bad. I haven’t even decided if i will watch the video before hand because just seeing me holding a sign and labeling myself is way beyond where i thought i would be at this time in my life. I am even getting thoughts of just not going to school on Wednesday, but I know that would make the situation worse. People need to see that i am comfertible with who i am.
The next chapter of my life is about to begin, but i am not sure if I am ready to turn the page yet to see what is going to happen.