Last night I told another one of my good guy friends that I am gay. And I was very nervous as I anxiously awaited his response.
One thing I have noticed during my coming out process is that with each new person that I tell the future looks brighter and brighter. After I come out to a person, a feeling of nerves flushes through my body in agony. Will the person accept me? Will he or she still be my friend? What will come now? But after these nerves have passed, have a feeling of happiness. I have been lucky to have each person that knows about my sexuality fully accept me. The feeling of happiness comes after I notice that the person does not care at all whom I find attractive. Even with my guy friends none of them have cared. Back to last night and telling my friend. We just became friends this year, but we are already close. I came out over a text message, which means I had to wait those dreaded few minutes. The wave of nerves passed over my body, but luckily I was able to distract myself by reading about the Industrial Revolution for AP World History. Time slowed down right after I press send. I felt like he was taking forever to respond, but then the message came. I picked up my phone and just stared at the dark screen debating if I should open up the text message or not. My curiosity won, I opened up the message, “Thank you for telling me, but i kinda thought you were anyway.” This made me laugh a little and then he told me about how he grew up with his mom having lesbian friends.
Him knowing and not caring really puts a smile on my face. He is just another one of my countless friends who see past my sexuality. The future is definitely looking bright for me. Soon I will be out to my entire school, and then I will be free to express who I truly am.
But I am wondering who keeps me from being who I truly am. Does society make me feel like I have to be act “normal” or do I put these constraints on myself because I am afraid of how people will treat me? I think it may be a mixture of both, because on the news for the most part the only thing we see regarding LGBT teens are about the ones who sadly commit suicide. We do not hear about the success stories. I also feel like I am afraid to be me because I have never truly been “me” before in public. I am starting to realize, though, through writing this blog and reading all of the emails and comments that we receive is to never put constraints on your ability to accomplish things as well as how people will perceive you.
You never know people’s true stories. The very religious person whom you may perceive as someone against gay rights may have a lesbian mom. Learn from the lessons that I have been taught through this process and know that with every step of coming out, your life just looks that much brighter, even if it may not seem that way at first.